It’s okay not to be okay

June 2, 2015 — Leave a comment

Life is manageable. Life is manageable. Life IS manageable. I’ve repeated this phrase a lot over the past couple of weeks, trying to convince myself that each simple mistake or todo chore wasn’t as colossal as I thought.  It’s easy to feel as though the problems you have going on in your life are crazy, intense, world-ending, etc. But the reality is, when we are under tremendous stress, life seems to be a continuous uphill battle. My mother passed away on May 5th after a nearly 3 year fight with cancer. The time leading up to her passing, plus the subsequent time for grieving afterwards left me wondering, how can one go on? Simple tasks like household chores or chatting with friends, almost everything seemed like an arduous task that took all of my energy to complete. In the midst of this transition and grieving, I was at my Mom’s memorial mass and a good priest friend of mine said something in his homily that still speaks to me. He said “It’s okay, not to be okay.” This whole time I’ve been trying to “rationalize” my feelings and thoughts, but the reality was that I wasn’t okay. I wasn’t “fine”. I was grieving, and that’s okay. It’s okay to cry, it’s okay to be sad, or angry or emotional or happy. But, through it all, I realized “It’s okay not to be okay,” and in doing that, I came to understand that life is manageable. When one is dealing with a terrible loss, of course there are going to be changes felt, voids that need to be filled and habits that must change. But, when we are stressed or anxious, even the simplest of chores become tasks of monumental proportions. I began to tell myself that life is manageable. I began to have faith that everything happens for a reason. I had to come back to my old writings and remind myself that there is greatness in each and every person. And, no matter what is going on in one’s life, whether it is great or terrible, life does go on. The moon will come up in the evening, and the sun will rise in the morning. While we may want or try to have everything figured out, life happens, and it’s unpredictable and amazing. Sometimes we need to take life one day at a time, or even one moment at a time. But, just realize that each moment, each breath, each sunset, is another step forward on the awesome path of life that we are blessed to share.

My advice? “It’s okay, to not be okay.”

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